Domestic Violence and Fantasy Sports

My fantasy football team has a problem and it’s names are Adrian Peterson and Ray Rice.¹

The draft for this team’s league was held on August 31st, five days before the NFL’s opening Thursday night game and a week before the opening weekend. At that point, Ray Rice, the starting running back for the Baltimore Ravens, had been suspended for the first two games of the season. The NFL was being skewered in many circles for its lax response to Rice’s acts of violence towards his then-fiancee in an Atlantic City casino elevator but they had not yet changed their stance.² Adrian Peterson, the starting running back for the Minnesota Vikings, was regarded fairly highly for his character and professionalism and had never been implicated in any negative off-the-field incidents. The fantasy industry considered Peterson to be one of the first three overall picks because of his talent and his role in the Vikings’ offense. Rice was recommended to be drafted in the later rounds because he was only going to miss two games and would still be beneficial to fantasy teams after that.

I drafted Peterson with the fourth overall pick and picked up Rice in the 8th round with the 77th pick.

Let me say, right off the bat, that I did not feel good about drafting Ray Rice. The way I justified it to myself was that because of the other people I’d drafted at running back, I would never have to play him. He was merely an insurance policy and if I was forced to depend on him, I was probably going to lose anyway. When the NFL suspended him indefinitely, I was more than happy to cut him from my team and pick up another player instead. One problem had been solved.

Peterson was pretty good in the first game of the season. He earned me 35 points (third highest on my team) and helped me to a comfortable win over my week one opponent. He did just what one would expect from their first round draft pick.

The news about Peterson’s indictment by a grand jury for child abuse came out on Friday of the following week. The Vikings quickly made Peterson inactive for their week two game against the New England Patriots, I played one of my other running backs (who is not nearly as talented as Peterson) and lost to my week two opponent.³ On Monday of this week, one day after the Vikings-Patriots game, the team decided to reinstate Peterson and make him active for week three.

This is where my problem comes in: how could I keep Peterson on my team, being aware that I’m going to be relying on him to be a major contributor every week, while also knowing that this man believes that it is acceptable to hit a child with a stick until he bleeds? How do I cheer for him to do well in a game that earns him more game and money after I’ve seen the pictures of what he did to his four-year-old son? Could I feel happy about deriving benefit from a man who writes off child abuse as a “cultural thing?” It is a game, after all, and the objective is to win. Having the best players drastically increases your likelihood of winning, and Peterson is easily one of the best players in the league. Cutting Rice wasn’t as big a deal; as I said, even before he was suspended indefinitely, I was never expecting to have to use him for a win. Cutting Peterson, though, would severely handicap my team and would jeopardize my chances at making the playoffs almost immediately.

I decided I couldn’t keep him.

I just couldn’t reconcile the inner conflict I was experiencing regarding Peterson’s belief about child discipline and my enjoyment of playing fantasy sports. I knew that if I kept him on my team, I’d continue to feel guilty about it, week after week, and that every time I went to check Peterson’s stats, I’d see the numbers and the points but I’d also keep seeing the pictures of his son’s welts and bruises. I cut him from my team and picked up a different player instead. I can be angry with Peterson for his understanding of appropriate forms of discipline. I can be angry with the NFL for being wishy-washy about taking a firm stance on domestic violence. If I’d kept Peterson on my team, though, I could only be angry with myself.

Problem solved.

 

Postscript: I wrote most of this post on the train on my way to work and I hadn’t checked ESPN before I left. Apparently the Vikings ended up deactivating Peterson indefinitely while the legal process continues, which means Peterson is getting a similar punishment as Rice in that neither of them are eligible to play again this season (although apparently the NFL Players Association is appealing Rice’s new suspension). I was happy, though, that I had made the decision to cut Peterson before hearing the news.

 

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^{1. Here’s some really quick background information just in case you’re unfamiliar with fantasy sports. The general premise is as follows: players draft (or buy, in auction leagues) teams of professional players in a given sport to create a “fantasy” roster and then use those players’ statistics in real-life games to compete against other players’ rosters. The winners take home anything from money and physical trophies to simple bragging rights and pride. And, before you say that sounds like a silly waste of time, you should be aware that Forbes magazine estimates that the fantasy sports industry earns somewhere between 40 and 70 billion dollars every year.↩}

^{2. That happened later.↩}

^{3. My week two opponent was my father, in case you were wondering.↩}

Dear Eitan: Be A Man

Dear Eitan,

It’s been a little while since I’ve written to you. We’ve all been busy, you and your mom and me, between work and going to the beach and playdates and all the other stuff that manages to occupy people’s time. We’ve been having a lot of fun together at the pool, playing catch and getting into tickle fights at home. And I can’t even begin to tell you how amazing it is to have a mini-dance party with you in the living room while Pharrell Williams’ “Happy” plays in the background. But there’s something more serious we have to talk about.

We have to talk about girls.

We’ll have other discussions about girls as you get older, but this one can’t wait. We have to talk about how you act towards girls. How you talk to them, how you look at them and, most of all, how you touch them; it’s all important. There are people in our society that are going to try to teach you that this isn’t true. They’re going to make comments about women needing to stay in “their place” (usually the kitchen) and then say, “It was only a joke.” They’re going to write lyrics that refer to girls and women as bitches or hos (or worse) and then say, “It’s just a song, it doesn’t mean anything.”

They’re going to hear that a woman was knocked out by her fiancée, a professional football player, and then say that there might be “some other story,” implying that she must have done something to deserve getting punched in the face and dragged, unconscious, out of a Las Vegas elevator.

I know, it seems like a big jump to go from jokes and song lyrics to incidents of domestic violence. It is, in a way; certainly there are plenty of married men who make their share of misogynistic comments but don’t go home and beat up their wives. The thing is, you need to realize that all the “little things” add up. Every time you call a woman a name (besides her own, obviously) or make a joke about how girls don’t need to be involved in important decisions because it’s not their “place,” you’re contributing to the culture that sees women and girls as less than their male counterparts. And, if women are seen as less than men, if they’re just objects to be looked at, then there is less of a reason to treat them with respect.

I know that a lot of the things I’m talking about are over your head right now. You’re two years old; you’re not supposed to be thinking about the way American society influences your behavior or the statements that your actions make about your personality. Your biggest focuses at this point in your life are if your pancakes have “caka chippies”¹ in them and where you last put your “pee mom boll”² and paddle. That’s how it’s supposed to be. But as you grow, you’re going to be exposed to a lot of different things in a lot of different ways. Some of it will be good, like learning about teamwork and humor and love. Some of it won’t be quite as good, like when you eventually hear about violence and war and the terrible things that humans do to each other. You’re going to have to decide how you want to treat the people around you and, by extension, what kind of a person you want to be.

Over the last few months, your mom and I have been teaching you not to hit. You don’t do it maliciously; sometimes you just get a little too excited and forget that it hurts when you hit people. I’m not really worried. You’re a quick learner and, even though you’ve been testing the limits more often recently, you know when you’ve done something wrong. More importantly that that, though, you’re a kind and sweet boy who genuinely cares about others, even at your young age. I get the sense that you’re going to grow up to be just as passionate about preventing all kinds of abuse and mistreatment as I am and that hitting women (or anyone, for that matter, but especially someone physically weaker than you) is something for which you would never stand. So I’m not really concerned, but I figured it was worth saying anyway.

There is a saying that comes from the Rabbinic traditions of Judaism: “In a place where there are no men, strive to be a man.”³ I take issue with the phrase “Be a man” for a number of reasons,⁴ but I think Rabbi Hillel got this one right. It’s not always going to be easy to stand up for what’s right and to look out for the people who need help. The road of social welfare and moral responsibility can be a lonely one sometimes. Your friends and co-workers are going to issue all the usual platitudes about jokes and seemingly innocent comments. But as long as you understand the deeper meaning behind all those remarks and remember that you don’t need to use physical aggression to demonstrate your masculinity, you’ll be a man in the best sense of the word.

Love,

Daddy (Da-dee!)

 

There have been seemingly endless reports about the incident that occurred between Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice and his then-fiancée (they’ve since been married) and even more opinions have surfaced since the NFL issued Rice a fine and a two game suspension. Feel free to do your own research and formulate your own opinion. If you’re interested, I thought this article by Jane McManus was a really well-written, thoughtful and poignant take on the whole situation. And, for other dad blogger posts, check out these posts by Oren Miller and Jeff Bogle. And, as always, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section. Thanks for reading. –Aaron

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<sup>1. Thank you, Cookie Monster.↩
2. Ping pong ball.↩
3. Pirkei Avot, 2:6.↩
4. Many of those reasons are illustrated beautifully in this video.↩</sup>